As The Cotton Candy Sunsets on The Year of Unfortunate Events…

There is something about sunsets that encourages reflection. It’s like the beauty, or the pain of the day is reflected back at you as it settles for the evening. Same could be said for the hope that sunrise brings. It’s a chilling awareness that you can’t look away from.

I’ve missed a lot of sunsets and sunrises this year. Many more than I’d like to admit. Parts of me don’t know whether to be grateful or heartbroken. Grateful that I had the privilege to miss so many, yet disgusted that I took them for granted (“disgusted” and “taken for granted” might be a little harsh, be patient with me... I’m trying to be better to myself), but also humbled by the ones I have witnessed. Perhaps that’s a meditation on the constant conflict of life and human experience.

So many aspects of my life and existence have been at odds with each other, and society. I have been harboring so much loss and grief that I may never fully heal from or comprehend the devastation of. I have known suffering and struggle mentally, physically, and emotionally that have felt like Olympic triumphs. In the face of it all, I have chosen grace. I have chosen love. I have chosen honesty. I have chosen my people. Through gritted teeth, I have chosen ME.

I think what I’m most grateful for is every single laugh from marathon FaceTime’s, to improv comedy stand ups via group chat and love letters via voice note, to the memes, tik toks, and the bird app. To the abundance of content via the streaming wars that were the lifelines of my days. I am just profoundly grateful.

*Malibu, California. 2020 - Photography by Taizja Marie Tate.*

The way my family and community have supported me and been abundantly creative in showing up to nurture our bonds, is the kind of love I didn’t know I deserved.

As the sun sets on this calendar year, I’m trying to free myself from the capitalist, white supremacist, poisonous, patriarchal construct that is a year in list of “productivity accomplishments”.

It’s cotton candy sunset season in Los Angeles. That special time of year (Dec-Feb), where every evening the sky is engulfed in pastels, resembling the color palette of state fair candy floss.

This sunset I want to reflect and celebrate my spiritual, mental, and emotional growth.

I hope you do too.

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In the words of the legendary Tisha Campbell,

“I’M STILL HERE!”

WE ARE STILL HERE!

That alone is a magnificent triumph and accomplishment in itself.

Wishing you health, wealth, peace, and prosperity in the New Year!

xx Taizja

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